Department Rates
Pay the detective.
One file is on the house. After that, the detective expects something for her trouble.
Free Tier
Walk-in Visitor
$0
forever, with limits
- ▢1 case per 24 hours
- ▢3 detective follow-up questions
- ▢Full case file output
- ▢Shareable PNG of the verdict
- ▢Default Hardboiled detective
RECOMMENDED
One-Time Payment
Detective's Desk
$2.99
one payment, lifetime access
- ▣Unlimited cases — open as many as you need
- ▣Cold Case Archive with cross-case pattern analysis
- ▣Audio narration in the detective's voice (downloadable)
- ▣5 detective personas: hardboiled, cynic, empath, rookie, philosopher
- ▣Vintage-textured printable case files
- ▣One payment. Yours forever.
30-day badge-money-back. She'll mail it personally.
The Detectives
The Hardboiled
“What did you actually do? When?”
The Cynic
“You knew the answer before you came in here.”
The Empath
“What part of you is the one putting it off?”
The Rookie
“Wait — why is that the bad outcome?”
The Philosopher
“What does inaction here actually choose?”
FAQ
How long do I have access?
Forever. It's a one-time payment. No subscriptions, no renewal — like buying a dossier off the back of her desk.
Will the detective remember my old cases?
Once you sign in and upgrade, every future case is filed in your archive. She runs pattern analysis across them on demand.
What if I'm not satisfied?
Tell us within 30 days and we'll refund. No long form, no detective work required.
“Brought her a problem I'd been carrying for two years. Walked out with a 12-minute move I did before bed. Called my brother the next morning.”
— Anonymous, Case #87-2104